Why Don't ...: Why Does Power Go To People's Heads?

Why Don't ...: Why Does Power Go To People's Heads?: It is strange that people who normally act with empathy and emotional intelligence then often start to misuse the role power they have been...

Principles of Success

MBI: Patrick W. Jordan (Photo credit: Cedim News)

Patrick W Jordan has distilled the essence of 200 self help books into one short and readable little book! And here they are the five steps to achievement, happiness and fulfillment.

1. Take responsibility - only you are responsible form your life - don't blame others
2. Set goals - know what you want and set out to get there
3. Be positive- surround yourself with optimism and be positive
4. Persevere intelligently - don't give up at the first obstacle but do give up the unrealistic
5. Connect with others - empathise, treat others well, forgive and learn form others
   
   Sounds really easy? And all this is achievable - get the book, get a coach and you can find achievement, happiness and fulfillment.

Life and career coaching is available from www.maryhopecareersuccess.com and from www.patrickwjordan.com

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Put up your fences -Setting Boundaries at Work

"Good fences make good neighbours."
– Old Proverb

Fences allow you to protect what's valuable to you. They also allow you to control who and what enters your space.

In the workplace, setting boundaries helps establish a productive work environment. You – and everyone you work with – have different values, needs, and beliefs about what's right. These differences can lead to conflict, resentment, anger, anxiety, and stress.

Does your colleague like last-minute deadlines and working under pressure, but you like to plan ahead and have everything finished early? You can do things your colleague's way (and end up stressed) – or you can recognize what you need to be effective, and then ask for it.

Do you have a colleague who yells and screams when she's under stress? Does this behaviour upset you? Then you owe it to yourself to say something to her, so that she understands the negative impact she's having on other people.

This is called managing your boundaries. It's an assertive and responsible way to make sure others respect your needs, while you respect theirs.

By taking the time to understand and map your boundaries, you will.

• Be able to say no to requests that conflict with your needs.
• Better understand how to deal with conflict, directly and assertively.
• Increase your personal sense of empowerment.

Boundary management is essentially a three-step process:

1. Becoming aware of your needs.
2. Setting your boundaries.
3. Monitoring your boundaries.

Step One: Become Aware of Your Needs

• Do you sometimes doubt that you have a right to ensure your needs are met?
• Do you avoid speaking up for yourself on a regular basis, and do you let things go, and not react to bad situations?
• Do you tend to avoid conflict? Do you let others have their way or make decisions for you?
• Do you agree to do things that you really don't want to do – and later regret it?

These are all signs that you don't actively try to have your needs met – and that you haven't established your boundaries.

Some of us seem to have the persistent and questionable belief that to get along with others, we need to give much more than we take. We may think that asking for what we want is selfish, that it's not good team behaviour. So we may say things like "Whatever you choose will be great!" and we may agree to do things we don't want to do, and shouldn't have to do.

This is a great strategy for avoiding conflict and confrontation with others. Unfortunately, it can create a destructive conflict inside of you. You can build up anger and tension – because you give away your power and you're not getting what you need. Eventually, this tension and anger can become too great, and you won't be able to tolerate it anymore.

It's far better to become aware of what you need, and then to develop strategies to ensure that your needs are met appropriately.

Whether or not you acknowledge your needs, they're often met anyway – though not necessarily in a good way. For example, if you need structure and you're not getting it, you might create charts and graphs and schedules for everything – but your team mates may hate this. If you need to be liked, you might avoid conflict at all costs – but this could allow people to make poor decisions. It's not constructive to try to satisfy your needs in this way – and it may lead to much greater problems in the long run.

The most obvious way to become aware of your needs is to think of times when you felt angry, tense, or resentful – or times when you were embarrassed by your reaction to something. These can be signs that your needs were not met.

Remember when you experienced these feelings and had these reactions, and ask yourself these questions:

• What need or value was not honoured by others?
• What did you really want?

Then complete the following phrases:

• I have a right to ask for ________, because I need ________.
• It's OK to protect my time by________, because I need ________.
• I will not allow others to________, because I need ________.

Step Two: Set Your Boundaries

When you understand what you need to be happy, that's only the first part of the process. You must also let others know what you need. Your colleagues, peers, and friends can't always figure this out on their own. You have to tell them (and remind them) of your needs and your boundaries.

Follow these guidelines:

• Be assertive – Communicate assertively. Tell people what you need, and work with them to reach solutions that can satisfy everyone. Without assertiveness, you risk allowing other people's needs to come first.
• Learn to say no, when appropriate – If you say yes to everything, you risk not having enough time to do anything properly. You also risk not working on the things that are truly important. Use an urgent/important sift to determine your priorities and understand your roles and responsibilities.
  
• Use effective time management – A big part of setting boundaries is making time for your work and time for personal interests. When you put all your energy into only one thing, you risk burning out and not enjoying life. With good time management, you can get things done more efficiently.  . This can help you work less and play more!
• Focus on your objectives – Getting what you want takes commitment. Setting boundaries isn't always easy, so maintain a strong focus on your overall objectives.Good goal setting Strategies will help you achieve this.

Step Three: Monitor Your Boundaries

When you start to set boundaries, it will help you enjoy an immediate sense of empowerment and control. It's a great feeling – knowing that you can ask for what you need, and then get it.

It's also important that boundaries are not completely fixed or unchangeable: Sometimes life needs a certain amount of flexibility. Rigid, inflexible boundaries may get in the way of your needs – because your needs can change, depending on the situation.

If you're very disciplined with your time, this likely improves your productivity. But if a project needs you to work well with a colleague, you may not want to end your meeting with him at the scheduled time if you need to build that relationship.

Make sure the boundaries you set are appropriate, and be willing to make changes, depending on the situation.

Also, keep in mind that while you may set up an imaginary fence around you, this doesn't mean that you don't have any responsibility for what happens outside your boundaries. You can say no when you're asked to take on more work, but you can still help find someone else to do that work. You can delegate a task to someone, but you're still responsible for the outcome.

Remember, boundaries are a way to help you work more effectively with others. They're not meant to keep you completely separate and apart from others. 

Thanks to Mind Tools 

For more great careers advice and support on how to get paid more, promoted faster and feel more satisfied go to www.maryhopecareersuccess.com

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Is anger justified in the workplace or interviews?

When a little bit of temper might just be your friend!

Human beings as a species have come to dominate the planet for a number of reasons, not least is our ability to co-operate; together we can achieve more than we can individually. Groups who can co-operate in their use of the ‘opposable thumb’ have the edge over those that don’t (or evolutionary advantage). But within the group slightly different rules may operate and total co-operation may not always be the best tack. Being co-operative in your ‘tribe’ or within your workplace has many benefits and having a reputation as a ‘good team player’  is no bad thing: but as I have consistently said this is not about being a pushover. People who are perpetually angry and shouting, create stress in others, people who run others down and are negative about their peers don’t win a lot of friends. But being sweetness and light all the time can also work against you.

The trick of course is knowing when to reveal you that you have some teeth and can be out to win. When it comes to winning that sale, holding back and saying to the competition ‘after you’ is not going to get you in the boss’ good books!  In the sales environment having  some hunger and a desire to be better than the rest or out front rather than one of the crowd is key to success.

In the debates about company strategy, there is a time for competition and a time for co-operation. Once the debate has been had and the boss has decided the way forward it’s time to cooperate. All that  is just common sense?

But what about in the interview process, surely that is another place where it is essential to be seen as a good team player? Well apparently it is not quite as simple as that. An experiment carried out by Dr Victoria Brescoll at Yale showed that candidates who demonstrated some anger at the loss of a client and blamed their co-workers were rated more competent  than the candidates who expressed sadness.  The ones who behaved less well, were deemed to be better able to cope with a position of high authority.

In a similar study at Rutgers University the social psychologist, Corrine Moss-Racusin discovered that men who were modest were judged weak and less likeable than vain or arrogant candidates. She says this is because they were behaving in line with strict expectations for masculinity.

So how should you present yourself in an interview? Should you show your anger?  Well there are a clear set of circumstances when no one would criticise you for expressing a strong emotion. Even the mildest mannered person can share an impatience and anger with poor performance, with low quality, inefficiency or wasted resources.  Passion for excellence can only be seen as a virtue.  I would counsel more caution with blaming others, consistently blaming others would suggest someone who does not take responsibility and has sloping shoulders. It might also suggest someone who can’t learn from mistakes or failures.

Anger needs to be used very sporadically and carefully because although it can be seen in some western cultures as an expression of toughness and resolve in other cultures, particuallary in Asia, it can be seen as loss of control.

I struggle to advise candidates to be arrogant or vain:  but be confident and assertive, being proud of your achievements and hungry for new challenges are a more attractive way of presenting. There is a real need not to be overly modest or diffident. You need to be able to command respect in leadership positions and have authority, so energy and self assurance are important. And lower risk than appearing vain and arrogant.

So what does all this research demonstrate? Well not having read it in detail I may be disagreeing with it out of ignorance!  But I think that interviews are very complex interactions and there are many variables, maybe research that identifies one and suggests that it may be a determinant would be wrong.